5 weeks, 3 days pregnant

I am scared out of my mind.

I am trying to take it one breath at a time.

I am focusing on my beautiful daughter.

I am trusting in good things to come.

I am remembering that journey's are good for me, they help me learn and grow.

I am remembering I have a Father in Heaven who loves me without measure. That He has a plan for me. If I am faithful all things will work together for my good.

I am reaching out to those I love and who love me.

I am taking good care of myself. (as best as I can with a toddler in tow).

I am loving myself.

I am trusting.

I am open.

I am Emily. And this is my journey in motherhood.

Tucking This One Away

I havent been writing here much, okay not at all really, so I am going to sign off this blog for a little while. When I started this blog I needed a space where I didn't need to pretend that I was a women who had never been pregnant before. This blog became that space.

Right now I am no longer needing this space. I am sure I will come back here as I move forward in my journey as a mother. I want to add more children to our family, but wonder what that will look like. Another four miscarriages?? But I am taking it one step at a time.

So for now,

My name is Emily and this is my unforgatable, life changing, hard, beautiful, bring me to tires, bring me to smiles, journey in motherhood.

P.S. I have started another blog at http://emily365gratitude.blogspot.ca/

Mommy Momments

Missy, I think you have forgotten the meaning of sleep. For the past two night you have been waking every 2 - 3 hours to nurse. Whats up??

Today you were being so cute when we were nursing. My iPod was playing some music while we were nursing. You were sitting on my lap nursing and every few minutes you would come off, look at me and start dancing, then go back to nursing. It was so cute. Nursing you is still the best part of my day.

I love you so much!

My name is Emily. This is my rocking/nursing journey in motherhood.

Sleepy mornings, winter walks and curry

Life is good. Life is oh so good (although somewhat sleep deprived).

James took Missy for an hour this morning so I could get some extra sleep. Love that. She nursed every two hours last night. Teething? Ear infection? Too hot? Too cold? Just bad luck? What ever it was, I am grateful it happened on a Saturday night so hubby could help in the morning.

Started teaching in primary today. Went much better than expected. I think this is going to be good. I am grateful for callings that help me grow.

I am also grateful for winter walks as a little family and a delicious new curry recipe I tried. I had never tried making curry before and I am happy with the way it turned out.

My name is Emily. And this is my joyful walk in motherhood.

Today

Missy is 10 months and 3 weeks old

Today I am grateful for:
1) The Christmas season: it reminds me of hope and joy and celebration

2) Two hours all to myself: I rested, read and worked on Christmas presents

3) Being with the people I love best. Missy and hubby.

4) Sushi for lunch. I love sushi.

5) The gospel of Jesus Christ that keeps my life in perspective.

The Little Things

In my second pregnancy I bought a shirt for our little one. A onesie that said "daddy's little monkey". I have little things, like that shirt, from different pregnancies and I wasn't entirely sure what to do with them. But at some point I decided to use them for Missy. I feel as if those other pregnancies were just Missy all along, just waiting to come to earth.

So I have been saving these items for years, just waiting and wondering of I would ever be able to use them.

Last week I dressed Missy in her Daddy's little monkey shirt. I almost cried. Some moments I just can't believe that she is actually her. After so much heartache and longing she is here.

Missy 4 Months Old

Missy I an loving this 4 month old stage. You are so much fun.

• you can roll from your tummy to your back and from your back to your tummy (but you don't do it very often)

• you like to laugh

• you love to be outside. Yesterday you had a big nurse and cuddle under the shade of the tree in the front yard.

• you try to eat dirt. If we lay you on a blanket you will reach to the side and grab a handful of dirt. So far we have stopped you from getting it to your mouth.

• you smile at everyone. Last week when I took you for your shots you even smiled at the nurse after she poked you. At first you screamed, then after cuddling with me, you turned around and gave the nurse a big smile.

• you like to wear your sunglasses .

• you like to sleep in momma's bed. You have been waking up a lot more at night. I get tired of nursing you in your bed (a little mattress on the floor beside our bed) so half way during the night I put you in bed beside me. I think we both enjoy cuddling all night long.

Missy I love you so much. I waited such a long time for you to come to earth. I feel so blessed for every day that we have together.