Welcome to my blog

A blog about miscarrriage, infertility, pregnancy, birth and mothering. My name is Emily and this is the story of my journey in motherhood.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Status: 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant

We went to the midwifes yesterday for our monthly appointment. We went through some blood work and some questions, and then we FINALLY got to hear babies heartbeat. The midwife didn't even have to look around for it, it was right there. She just put the Doppler on my tummy and there was it's heartbeat. This baby really wants us to know that it is here :)

I am now past the three month mark and know that baby has a heart beat. I am starting to get excited. After hearing the baby's heart beat we couldn't keep the secret any longer. We drove straight to my parents house and after dinner pulled out the computer and played the heartbeat clip for my parents and my brothers and sisters (my parents knew and my married sisters knew, but my four youngest siblings did not know yet). My little brothers didn't know what was going on at first, they are only 10 and 12. But when my sister explained it to them they were excited. My youngest brother came over and waved and said "hi baby". This moment seemed impossible. I remember telling James that having a baby felt as likely as going to the moon. And yet, here I am. In this moment. Pregnant with a little baby with a heartbeat.

My name is Emily. My baby is 2 inches and has a heartbeat. This my journey in Motherhood.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

11 Weeks Pregnant

This picture about sums me up right now. Drinking a smoothie (I am eating SO much, as it helps with the nausea), enjoying some flowers from hubbie, and reading a pregnancy book (I am starting to think that this one might actually stick).

I don't have much time to write, so I'll just give you a quick update.

My life seems to consist of pulling myself through the work day, trying not to throw-up and napping. That about sums it up :) Only another week or so of this and I should start feeling like myself again, but sometimes I wonder, will I ever feel like "myself" again?

I finally broke down the other day and wore my maternity jeans. I can still fit into my regular pants, but they are so tight and uncomfortable! I bought some maternity jeans during pregnancy number three and finally had enough of being uncomfortable and pulled them out. I also went to Thyme maternity and bought some work pants, a sweater (for the winter when I am super pregnant) and a shirt. All on sale!!

This art piece reflects a meditation I experienced a few weeks ago. After doing some relaxation stuff we were asked to sense on a sensation in our bodies. I choose to sense my pregnancy (something I had basically been ignoring up to that point) and as I did I was filled with love and joy. And then were asked to sense the opposite feeling. So I connected with the fear and the worry, the heartache and pain, that has resurfaced sense I have been pregnant (something else I had been ignoring). As I flipped between these two feelings, joy and fear, life and death and as I sensed them both at the same time, I felt the dance of life. Truly this is life, happiness and heartache, growth and loss. I felt a protecting circle wrap around these two feelings and I felt peace. This meditation experience was the first step in acknowledging my feelings around this pregnancy and I am still exploring them.

My name is Emily. I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am excited and scared all at the same time. This is my journey in Motherhood.