Welcome to my blog

A blog about miscarrriage, infertility, pregnancy, birth and mothering. My name is Emily and this is the story of my journey in motherhood.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Being a New Mom

Okay, I have totally slacked off with the blogging, journaling and art work. Welcome to being a new mom. So much has happened over the past month and a bit. But that will be another post for another time.

Right now I want to capture this moment. What is going on now, today.

Being a new mom is teaching me so much. Mostly about letting go. Feeding Missy is a bit of an adventure. I have really had to let go of plans and expectations. Some days she wants to nurse every two hours. Other days she might go four hours with out feeding. Some days she will nap a lot, thus letting me nap. Other days she seems to know exactly when I hit that lovely space right before sleep and will wake up from a 20 minute nap. So I am just learning to let go.

I have thought of trying to get her on a bit of a schedule, but don't know much about how to go about it. I did put some books on hold at the library about early parenting. I just feel like I am walking in the dark sometimes. I keep telling DH "I don't know why I am doing it that way. I am just making it up". Today I tried to be more aware of her natural cycle. She seems to be like to be awake for an hour and then sleep for an hour and then feed and get her diaper changed then do it all over again. But who knows, tomorrow it could be different.
Trying to get some sleep when Missy sleeps

Missy has become a real Mommas girl. Daddy has been very busy with work and this has given Missy and me lots of time together. There have been a few times lately when family members or friends have tried to calm her down but can't. Then they pass her to me and she settles right down. I have mixed feelings about this. Mostly I am in complete awe that I can mean so much to another little human being. That my presence can calm her soul makes me feel.... I struggle to find the right word, special? Full of worth? Powerful? Hmmmm..... I am just amazed that I mean that much to her. I guess that is part of being a mother. The mixed part is that it takes a lot of energy to be a momma and some times wish Daddy could take on more of a role. But now that his work is settling down, maybe he can.

Missy is a real snuggle buddy. She loves to be held or snuggled up to me in bed. She is getting better though at playing on the floor or bed by herself. She can last about 20 minutes sometimes just playing on her own. The greatest investment that I have made is in my sling. I use a Maya Wrap (http://www.mayawrap.com/) and Missy loves it, she stops fussing and will either just hang out or will fall asleep. I love it because she is close to me and yet I can get a few things done, like laundry or dishes. It's also great for shopping. I went to a store the other day and put her in it so I could have my hands free and didn't have to struggle with maneuvering a stroller around a cramped store. I am a huge baby wearing fan!!

A few weeks ago someone asked me what the worst and best parts of being a new mom are. I said that the worst part was the night feeds. But this has been going a lot better. A few things have helped.
1) A sleep sack. We got the ergococoon (http://www.ergopouch.com.au/swaddle.html) last week and Missy has been sleeping much better. She still wakes up the same amount to feed, but she dosen`t wake up fussy in the night from breaking out of her blanket swaddle. It looks a little cruel, but she loves feeling secure.
2) Mastering the art of nursing in the dark. The last two or three nights I have been able to keep all the lights off and nurse in the dark. Before I was turning on a lamp or keeping the closet light on, now I have gotten to know Missy and my body better that I don't even have to see what I am doing to nurse!! I think keeping the lights off helps Missy know its night time and also, if she cant see anything, she gets bored and goes to sleep.

3) A routine. We started Missy on a bedtime routine when she was a few weeks old. A little bit before her 10:00ish feed we wake her up, sing her some songs, read her some stories, let her have some tummy time, then give her a bath, a big nurse and into bed.

4) Attitude. I just had to decide that I was going to like night feedings. Okay, like might be to strong of a word. I had to decide that I was going to be okay with night feedings. For a few weeks I would have to psych myself up before bed, telling myself that I was going to like the night feeding, and that it was going to be okay and then I would say a prayer that Heavenly Father would help Missy to sleep and help me to do well with the feedings.

Things are going much better now. Some nights she will sleep for four hours between feeds, but the last two nights she has been back to waking every two hours. But I am getting really good at blocking out the breathing, moving sounds and just waking up for the feeding sounds, then I give her a quick nurse, she falls back to sleep and so do I. We seem to have a rhythm figured out.

My name is Emily and this is my journey in Motherhood.

Welcome Missy


December 29th @ 3:06 p.m
7 lbs 10 onces
19 inches long
Lovingly born at home