Today my life changed forever. Okay, that’s a little exaggerated, its more that a new chapter has started in my life.
We went for our seven week ultrasound. As we got settled into the room, we explained our story to the ultrasound tech, I asked her to turn off the screen that faces me and a laid back, closed my eyes, gripped DH hand and started psyching myself up for the worst. The tech placed the wand on my stomach and said “Oh I see it. And there’s its heart beat”. She didn’t have to look around for it. It was right there. Ready to tell its Mom and Dad it had arrived. She turned her screen so we could see. I started crying and hugging DH. She continued with the ultrasound and we watched on the screen now. It’s just a little blob but it’s the cutest little blob I have ever seen. And I saw its heart beating. 133bpm. When people told me I would see its heart beating I thought they meant I would see a line moving on the screen, but no, I SAW its heart beating. AMAZING!!! I all ready love it J
I called my Mom and she cried and I cried, and I still can’t believe that after 4 miscarriages and three years later that this is really happening. In none of the other pregnancies did we see a baby or a heartbeat. This is a brand new chapter for us.
We went and bought it a blanket. A blue blanket with a monkey.
As I sit here at the end of this full, wonderful day, I feel blessed, not only for the life that is beating inside of me (still can’t believe it!), but for the journey. For learning what healing is, not just physical healing, but the deep down kind of healing. For learning to find joy in the journey, even when the journey is hard. For knowing that I can look fear in the face, find faith and take a step into the darkness. For knowing that God is aware of me. For knowing that I can do hard things, really really hard things. Things that are so scary and overwhelming that I wanted to stay in bed some days. But I know now that I can face those days, as I focus on the spiritual strength in my life, and not just face those hard days, but live with passion.
My name is Emily. My baby is the size of a lentil and has a heartbeat. This is the story of my journey in Motherhood.
Congratulations, Emily! What a wonderful moment for you. I started tearing up as I read your post, as I have been following your journey for a few weeks now and I have been hoping for nothing but the best for you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I sometimes feel such a strong connection between strangers stories and my own life, but I think it's because there's not much of a difference between us. Though I have not went through what you have, I know that I could. In fact, I find myself trying not to fear that possibility.
I think you have been incredibly strong, especially with your acceptance in whatever happens is what is meant to happen.