17 weeks

Okay, first confession and excuses. My life seems to be so busy lately and I have not had the time or energy to write. I am working full time now and that has been a big change for me, impacting more aspects of life then I thought it would. Pre-March 28th, I was working three days a week, giving me lots of time for art work, cleaning house and exercising. NowI am working 5 days a week, plus dealing with the fatigue of pregnancy. I am happy if I simply make it through the day. DH is cleaning the kitchen, giving me a chance to lie on the couch to stop my stomach from throbbing and giving me chance to get caught up with my blog and my thoughts. I am so grateful for my DH.

As for pregnancy, I am 17 weeks, (aka 4 months) today. I cant believe that I have made it to this point! Every day I am grateful and in awe of this experience. I feel like I am carrying a little secret inside of me, sure people now I am pregnant, but I feel amazed that I am carrying life inside of me wherever I go. Its my little gem, my treasure, my secret to take with me.

Health wise I am doing well. The first three months were rough. I was sick and tired most of the day. But now, the nausea has left and most of my energy has come back. I do get an upset stomach/heartburn easily, but I find eating lots of small meals and drinking lots between meals helps. And when I do get an upset stomach, I am practicing kindness towards myself and not kicking myself in the head for eating a hot dog or what ever it happened to be that day. As a pregnant woman I am feeling a lot of pressure from everyone and their dog (and myself) to be super-healthy, so I keep reminding myself that I am doing my best and that I don't need to be super woman to be a good Mommy to this baby.

Our little one was being a little monkey the other day when we went to hear it's heartbeat at the midwifes. It wouldn't hold still. It took a few minutes, okay maybe seconds, but it felt like the whole world stopped moving, for the midwife to get its heartbeat. And all I could think was, my baby is dead, my baby is dead. Why is it so easy for me to believe the worst case scenario? But my baby was just being active and eventually the midwife picked up the heartbeat for a few seconds. The little monkey.

My name is Emily and this is my journey in motherhood.